The Breakup Formula

You got dumped, or maybe it was mutual. This is a universally awful feeling, and while there are many feeling the same way as you, there is always an inherently selfish aspect of forced vulnerability that will tell you that you feel the worst that anyone ever has, and no one can prove you wrong.

And, when everyone tries to do so, the best advice that can be given is:

1. Don’t let them.

Whether it was a few day situationship or a relationship stretching over multiple years, you were a team working together to solve your feelings. (If not, while its hard to see now, its a good thing you ended things..) So now that it’s just you, let yourself have your feelings for a bit. Sure, you’ll live. Yes, you have more important commitments; but this is a loss that you can respect yourself enough to breathe in for a bit. So, if someone tries to talk down to you about how it’s not the end of the world, nod and keep letting your world end for a minute. 

1. Structure is key

There will always be people telling you to sit down with your tub of ice cream and watch sappy movies, and there will be plenty of videos on the internet about how sadness is a “weightloss hack.” While the former is good in moderation, too much of either extreme will leave you without the energy to critically process the situation and keep going with your day. So, the best thing to do is focus on a schedule. Just write something up in your notes app like this and check it off each day:

-Wake up (give yourself more time to get ready than you normally would, pampering yourself with improve self worth at a fragile time like this.)

-Get to school/work on time

-Grab breakfast

-Do all assignments/side work

-Socialize 

-Eat lunch

-Feel. (Cry, journal, rant to a friend)

-Do one thing you enjoy 

-Do one thing you’re putting off

-Eat dinner

-Hygiene (Keeping up more than usual will be hard but worth it)

-Get some sleep

By having to check things off and keep in order with your life, the “lost” feeling that follows a breakup will be limited. Eat right, and find the balance between binging and starving that will allow you to most effectively do what you still need to do.

1. In Media We Trust

Whether you’re a show, movie, music, or video game person, make sure to invest your time into something that might match how you feel. These are some picks from each category:

TV

Binge it

90s: Freaks and Geeks*, The Nanny

2000s: How I Met Your Mother, My Name Is Earl, Gossip Girl

2010s: The Good Place*, New Girl, Fleabag

2020s: The End of the F-ing World, Im Not Okay With This, YellowJackets

Animated: Inside Job, Bojack Horseman, Tuca & Bertie

Film

Something to think about

90s: The Florida Project, Swingers

2000s: Juno, He’s Just Not That Into You, The Breakup

2010s: 500 Days of Summer, Blade Runner 2049

2020s: I Want You Back*

Animated: Monsters vs Aliens

Music

Put these on repeat

Country: Noah Kahan, American Heartbreak (Zach Bryan) In a life Where We Work Out (Flatland Calvary), Dawns (Zach Bryan)

Rap: IGOR (Tyler, The Creator), Look What You’ve Done (Drake)

R&B: No Scrubs (TLC), 

Indie: Clairo, Big Thief, Tell it to the Volcano (Miniature Tigers)

Grunge: Definitely Maybe (Oasis), Jeff Buckley, Born to Quit (Smoking Popes)

Emo: Everything So Far (Pinegrove), 

Rock: New Miserable Experience (Gin Blossoms), Like Clockwork (Queens of the Stone Age)

Punk: Pretty Hate Machine (Nine Inch Nails)  

Pop: Folklore (Taylor Swift), Smile (Lily Allen), Phoebe Bridgers

Books

A new page to flip

-Counting By 7s

-White Oleander

-The Book Thief

-IT

-The Grapes of Wrath

-Shuggie Bain

-The Outsiders

Games

Something fun

-Red Dead Redemption

-The Walking Dead (Telltale)

-Ghost of Tsushima

-Minecraft

-Any gameboy Pokemon game before Black and White

1. Remember you.

Relationships can leave you feeling like an extension of your partner after a while, like you exist to further their goals and ensure their happiness; but you’re living for you again. What are your goals? Why do you wake up in the morning? You don’t need to exaggerate this, but exemplify it. Remember who you are, and that people are surrounding you for you, not for a relationship you were half of.

1. They were my only friend

You planned it out so you had every class together, you hung out every day, did every extracurricular as a pair, and now that you’re not together? It’s lonely and awkward. 

Talk to your guidance counselor: Your guidance counselors are here to help you, they can at the least offer you some tips on how to handle balancing your feelings in school and potentially suggest a new friend to talk to. 

Play multiplayer games: Games like Fortnite, Roblox, etc that have a mic feature. Even with people you don’t know personally, this level of socialization can help ease your isolation.

Apply to a summer program: Programs like National History Academy and Drexel summer programs are perfect for socializing. Search the web and apply to a few that excite you, maybe you’ll make friends you never would have met otherwise.

Reach out to the unexpected: That one ex friend you had an awful fight with? The awkward middle school ex you never talked to again? That acquaintance in class? Reach out. I know it's scary, and I know you’re convinced they’ll tell everyone and laugh at you. And while it's not ridiculous to you at this moment, remember no one really cares enough. So, worst case scenario, a bunch of people you don’t talk to anymore anyways are talking badly about you. Who cares? But there’s a chance in that moment of strength you’ll find friendship, or even a momentary shoulder to cry on, that will change your perspective.

Reach out to me: If you’re feeling this way, even if you just need eyes on your word block rant, send it to me. You can search me on instagram and send a dm, and I promise I’ll answer in some way. 

There’s no reason to be alone in a time like this, if you need someone to talk to, use one of the opportunities around you even if it feels silly. People want to be there for you, though sometimes they don’t know how. Providing an opening can be the change you need. 

Conclusion

You’re not going to be okay, and that’s okay. DON'T REBOUND , but post that thirst trap, get a whole new wardrobe. Good things won’t come to you, you are an active person in your life and you are going to have to achieve everything you want; and maybe this isn’t what you want, but that just means you’re going to have to achieve everything you need right now, and that’s okay. 

For this vicious season I wish any affected the best of luck.

-Kaylee Tate, EIC